The Law of Inclusion and Exclusion (Revised)
by gasarch
Summary: Daria helps Jane and Stacy at Math/The FC tries? to recurit members


  
Daria Fan Fiction.  
  
TITLE: The Law of Inclusion and Exclusion  
  
AUTHOR: William Gasarch  
  
Daria is a TV show on MTV, a cartoon show, which  
I am quite fond of. I am not alone--- there are websites  
and lots of fan fiction.   
(e.g., http://www.outpost-daria.com)  
I originally thought that  
the fan fiction I write would ONLY be of interest to  
people who watch the show, but I was pleasently surprised  
when someone who is not a fan and is not American,  
saw my fan fiction and liked it.  
  
SO,   
  
IF you are a fan of the show and LIKE the story GOOD  
IF you are a fan of the sow and DON"T LIKE it, sorry to have wasted your time.  
IF you are NOT a fan of the show and like it GREAT  
If you are NOT a fan of the show and DON"T like it, then I can blame it on  
your not being a fan.  
  
  
AUTHOR EMAIL: gasarch@cs.umd.edu  
(Please include)  
  
SUMMARY:   
Daria Tutors Jane and Stacy in Math.  
The Fashion Club tries to recruit new members--- sort of.  
  
CATEGORY: High School.  
  
NOTE: PLEASE email me if you LIKE or DISLIKE  
the story. I want to know someone out  
there is READING this stuff.  
  
ACT I  
  
(Setting-- The Fashion Club is meeting at the Morgendorffers'. Celery sticks  
and diet soda are being passed around.)  
  
SANDI: I call this meeting of the Fashion Club to order. Stacy, do you have   
that report on what to do if an article of clothing goes out of style?  
  
STACY: (nervously) Burn it. Like if an American flag gets damaged,   
you're supposed to burn it.  
  
SANDI: (misunderstanding) Wearing American flag clothing is SO geeky.  
  
QUINN: That's not what Stacy meant. (As they argue, Stacy looks more terrified.)  
  
SANDI: (phony) So I'm deaf. I suppose we need the Fashion Club president   
to be able to hear. Why don't I just resign and make Quinn the  
Fashion Club president? And burn all my clothes in disgrace.  
  
QUINN: (phony) Oh, I would never want to take your place.  
Besides, your clothes aren't out of style. (under her breath) Yet.  
  
SANDI: Tiffany, do you have a report on new members?  
  
TIFFANY: No applications for new members in the last month.  
  
SANDI: Why?  
  
QUINN: Well, we've turned down all recent applicants.  
  
SANDI: Our last new member was Quinn. We've raised our standards  
since then.  
  
QUINN: Well, Ms. President (under her breath) for life. (resume normal   
tone) what do we intend to do about this?  
  
TIFFANY: Like, if we don't admit anyone anyway, why is this a problem?  
  
SANDI: Because in order to be an exclusive club we need to have people who   
*want* to get in but can't. If nobody wants to get in, then we're   
not exclusive, we're just...  
(Daria walks by and finishes the sentence)  
  
DARIA: ... a bunch of shallow girls who mindlessly conform to  
an artificial standard of beauty.  
(Camera pans to Stacy taking the minutes and writing this down.)  
  
SANDI: We are not girls! We are fashion-conscious women! And   
our club is exclusive. You could never be a member.  
  
DARIA: I wouldn't want to be a member.  
  
SANDI: That is our problem. Even your loser cousin-or-whatever   
doesn't want to join our club. Not that we'd take her.  
(Daria exits.)  
We should have an all out campaign to get people to apply to be   
members of the Fashion Club. We'll turn them down   
and regain our exclusivity.  
  
STACY: (terrified) But... if we urge people to apply, and then turn   
them down, thats unfair!  
  
SANDI: Maybe, but the greater cause of fashion is served.  
This meeting is over. Go out and increase membership.  
(As she leaves, she takes the meeting minutes from Stacy.)  
  
(Fade out. Fade in to Quinn on the phone from her room. Split screen--   
she's on the phone with Andrea, the gothic girl who was in   
Cafe Disaffecto and other episodes)  
  
QUINN: Andrea, do you want to join the Fashion Club?  
  
ANDREA: Why?  
  
QUINN: Well... Gothic IS a fashion. It might be an ugly fashion, but we   
welcome alternative views. (At the word `ugly' Andrea hangs up.)  
  
(Fade out. Fade in to Sandi on the phone from her room.  
Split screen-- she's on the phone with Brittany.)  
  
SANDI: So, like, would you want to join the Fashion Club?  
  
BRITTANY: I'm already on the cheerleading squad.  
  
SANDI: But cheerleaders all dress the same.  
They're just a bunch of shallow girls who  
(Picks up the minutes to the fashion meeting.)  
mindlessly con uh con-firm  
(she has trouble with the word `conform' so it comes out `confirm')  
to an artificial standard of beauty.  
  
BRITTANY: We are not girls! We are cheerleading women!  
I could write a cheer for the Fashion Club!  
We are just the very best!  
Because we wear a cuter dress!  
And our hair is not a mess!  
  
SANDI: Uh... Needs work.  
  
BRITANY: (in a huff) You don't appreciate all the hard work I put  
into that (hangs up).  
  
(End of ACT I. As you fade show the scene of Andrea hanging up.)  
  
COMMERICAL: Three really cool-looking men, mid-20's are on screen. We find out that  
One of them is a bungee-jumper.   
One of them is a rollerblader.  
One of them is a race car driver.  
We see them doing these activities and doing them really, really well.  
We then find out that the thrill they get from these activities is nothing   
compared to the thrill they get from drinking Mountain Dew.  
  
--------------------------------------  
ACT II:  
  
(Opening Scene: Daria and Jane are walking in the halls at school, but will   
be walking out of the building and into Jane's house as the scene progresses.)  
  
JANE: (holding a math exam with a D on it) Hmmm, my C average in Math might  
be in danger?  
  
DARIA: Can I ask you a question about that?  
  
JANE: That IS a question.  
  
DARIA: Can I ask you a second question?  
(They pass a poster ``Join the FASHION CLUB! Ask Sandi for sponsorship!'')  
  
JANE: That IS a second question.  
  
DARIA: Do you realize that we could go on like this forever?  
  
JANE: That's a third question and I didn't give you permission  
to ask a third question.  
  
DARIA: I didn't ask permission.  
  
JANE: Good! You're learning. (pause) Ask your question.  
  
DARIA: Since Geometry and art are related, how come you're bad  
at math but good at art?  
  
JANE: (kidding) You think I'm an artist?  
(They pass a poster ``Join the FASHION CLUB! Ask Quinn for sponsorship!'')  
  
DARIA: (kidding back) Mrs. Defoe thinks you're an artist.  
  
JANE: Mr. O'Neill thinks you're a writer.  
  
DARIA: I trust Mrs. Defoe's opinion more than Mr. O'Neill.  
At least she knows our names. Mr. O'Neill still can't  
spell Morgendorffer.  
  
JANE: Can Quinn spell it?  
  
DARIA: When Quinn was in third grade I told her that if she didn't   
learn to spell Morgendorffer she'd be left back.   
  
JANE: Did that scare her?  
  
DARIA: Only when I told her she would be the tallest person  
in her class.  
  
JANE: If I had to learn math or get kicked out, I'd learn it.   
Or I'd drop out and become an artist. Actually, that sounds more appealing.  
  
DARIA: So... If you're good at art, how come you do badly in Math?  
  
JANE: Math is just a bunch of formulas and some proofs of things  
that are obvious. Art is free expression.  
  
DARIA: If I was to help you connect up the formulas with the artistic  
then would you do better in math?  
  
JANE: Another question asked without permission. You're making progress!   
  
DARIA: Will you reward my progress with an answer?  
  
JANE: Yes.   
(In the sky is an airplane skywriting ``Join the Fashion Club! Contact Sandi!'')  
  
DARIA: So you suspect that you're not bad at math, but you  
have to be given a reason to care.  
  
JANE: Yes.  
  
DARIA: (Deadpan) So I'm supposed to give you a reason to care... about math.  
  
JANE: That doesn't sound right.  
  
(She takes out some math books and they begin working on it.  
No dialogue for a while. We see them talking and Jane drawing  
things on her easel that end up being trapezoids, triangles  
with circles in them, other things seen in high school geometry.  
The trapezoid evolves into a Picasso-like abstract drawing.)  
  
JANE: I need a break. Engage me in non-mathematical conversation.  
  
DARIA: Where's Trent?  
  
JANE: Mystik Spiral is at Jesse's house. They're going to play   
every song they know in alphabetical order to inspire a name change.  
  
DARIA: That inspires a math problem. If you rearrange the letters of   
Mystic Spiral (fades out as we again see them talking and Jane drawing.   
We see `11!' and `11?' on the easel. Finally we see 11! divided by 2!2!)  
  
JANE: Your parents are always bugging you to get involved with  
extracurricular activities right?  
Tutoring math is an extracurricular activity.  
  
DARIA: I don't think hanging out at your house qualifies.   
Besides, why should I do something just because my parents want me to?  
  
JANE: Because the next time they ask you to join a club you can say  
``I'm already in the math club''  
  
DARIA: That beats my current line ``I'll join the fencing club  
and practice on Quinn.''  
  
JANE: We'll see Principal Li about this tommorow   
But I've had enough math for one day. Lets turn on the TV.  
Sick Sad World is on.  
  
DARIA: Isn't it always?  
(They turn it on and first see a commerical.)  
  
TV: Tired of looking unfashionable!  
Join the Fashion Club! See Sandi for membership!  
  
DARIA: I was wondering if Sandi would top that airplane skywriting.  
  
TV: Are square roots a threat? The irritable irationals   
coming up on Sick Sad World!  
(The screen shows a square-root of 2 with arms and legs  
and beating up on a 9.)  
  
(Fade out. Fade in to Ms. Li's office. Daria, Jane, and Li are there)  
  
LI: So, you want extracurricular activity credit for  
haaaanging out at Jane's house?  
  
JANE: She would be helping me with math.  
  
LI: How do we know that?  
  
DARIA: (sarcastic) You'll have to trust us. The way the state trusts you  
to run a school instead of a dictatorship.  
  
LI: Daria! You speak of running a school like a dictatorship as  
though it were a bad thing.  
  
DARIA: (sarcastic) I stand corrected.  
  
LI: If one more student is included then I'll approve it.  
  
DARIA: Okay under two conditions--- we can still do it at Jane's  
house, and the student not be Kevin.  
  
LI: Done. Also, Kevin doesn't need help in math.  
  
DARIA and JANE: OH?  
  
LI: He passes the exams without even showing up. He's that good!  
  
DARIA AND JANE: (groan) oh.  
  
LI: I know the perfect student.  
  
DARIA: Who?  
  
LI: Stacy. She's in that Fashion Club with your cousin Quinn.  
  
DARIA (to JANE): It could have been a lot worse. It could have  
*been* my cousin Quinn. Or her friend Sandi.  
  
JANE: I wouldn't call Sandi a friend of Quinn.  
  
DARIA: I wouldn't call Quinn a cousin of mine.  
  
(Fade out. Fade in to Quinn's Room. She's on the phone.  
Split screen--- she's on the phone with Jodie's mother Michele)  
  
QUINN: Is Jodie there?  
  
MICHELE: She's out practicing tennis. Can I take a message?  
  
QUINN: Ask her if she wants to join the Fashion Club.  
  
MICHELE: Why would she want to do that?  
  
QUINN: Well, it'll give her an extracurricular activity?  
  
MICHELE: She already has 13 of those.  
  
QUINN: Well, uh, we really want her to.  
  
MICHELE: Why?  
  
QUINN: Well (lying) just last week we were discussing how certain  
primary colors look different when contrasted with a black flesh tone---  
  
MICHELE: (Cuts her off) Do NOT call my daughter black! She is an  
Afro-American.  
  
QUINN: (trying to compose herself) Well, uh, the week before we were  
talking about what clothing looks good with an afro.  
  
MICHELE: And what makes you think my daughter wants to grow an afro!?  
  
QUINN: Well you said she was an Afro-American...  
  
MICHELE: What is it with your family anyway!?  
  
QUINN: (innocently) Yeah, you know how Daria is.  
  
MICHELE: I meant you and Helen! (Hangs up.)  
  
(END OF ACT II. Fade to commercial with scene of Daria and Jane  
doing math and Jane drawing shapes on the easel.)  
  
COMMERCIAL: Coming up next, Behind the Scenes at Daria.  
We'll have a reporter (shown to be Jodie) interview the man who decides what  
time it is shown (show picture of Trent).  
JODIE: How to you decide when to air Daria?  
TRENT: The new shows are on Wed at 10:00? Or is that 9:55? Or 10:05?  
I like to keep it loose.  
JODIE: What about the reruns?  
TRENT: I let Jesse handle that. Or Jane. (Looks at hand to  
see whose name is on it. It's his.) Oh, this week it's me. Better get to   
the studio soon. Or later.   
JODIE: Any other comments?  
TRENT: Yeah. (Faces the audience head on.)  
The name of the show is Daria, but we're thinking  
of changing it.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
ACT III  
  
(Daria, Jane, and Stacy are at Jane's house doing math.)  
  
(Writing says: Math Club Day I)  
  
DARIA: Stacy, while I'm, uh, happy to help you, I was wondering  
why you want help. I thought you were happy getting straight C's in math.  
  
STACY: My dad says that if I don't pull up my grades then he'll cut off  
my fashion allowance.  
  
JANE: You have an allowance just for fashion?  
  
DARIA: Hey, Quinn has an allowance just for scrunchies.  
(NOTE TO READER--- a scunchie is a circular thing that can  
be worn around your wrist like a bracelet, or in your hair.)  
  
STACY: If my fashion allowance gets cut then Sandi won't be my  
friend anymore.  
  
DARIA: And the downside is...  
  
JANE: (interrupting, changing topics) So, why did you pick math to  
get tutoring in?  
  
STACY: Well, I was good in math in third grade. I think I COULD  
be good at it now. I don't know what happened between now and then.  
  
DARIA: So you suspect that you're not bad at math, but you  
have to be given ... more confidence.  
  
STACY: Yes.  
  
DARIA: (Deadpan) So I'm supposed to give you a positive outlook ... about math.  
  
JANE: That doesn't sound right.  
  
DARIA: Let's begin. Ms. Li wants us to call this `the Math Club'. While I   
hate being a member of anything, I'll use the terminology for the next problem.  
  
STACY: (cowering) Why do you hate being a member of any club?  
I hate, OH, I mean I LOVE being a member of the Fashion Club.  
  
DARIA: Do you love hating it, or do you hate loving it?  
(Jane pulls Daria aside.)  
  
JANE (to Daria): Stacy is very fragile--- how would you like  
it if she committed suicide because of us?  
  
DARIA: Would we still get extracurricular activity for this?  
  
JANE: Daria! Just... lighten up with her, okay?  
  
DARIA: Why do you care so much? She's only a Fashion Club member.  
  
JANE: Daria! Thats the kind of thing *they* say about us.  
  
DARIA: (deadpan) Choose your enemies careful--- for you will come to resemble them.   
  
JANE: (lightening up) I hope that doesn't mean we'll be wearing  
mascara anytime soon.  
  
STACY: Are you talking about me? Do you still like me?  
  
DARIA: We like you--- as much as we ever did.  
(Jane glares at Daria, but Stacy doesn't catch on that this is a joke.)  
Now, Stacy, lets say there are 4 members of the Fashion Club, and  
3 members of the Math Club, and there is 1 member in  
both. How many people are in one of the two clubs?  
  
STACY: Lets see, that would be four plus three minus one, so thats six.  
  
DARIA (a bit amazed): Very good.  
  
STACY: (genuinely curious) What if you had three clubs, say   
Fashion, Math, and Music. Is there a way to handle that?  
  
DARIA: (enthused at the curiosity. Or at least as enthused as Daria can get)  
Yes there is (she writes down the correct formula.) This  
is called the law of inclusion and exclusion.  
  
(NOTE TO READER: The formula is  
Size(A UNION B UNION C) =   
(Size(A)+Size(B)+Size(C))  
-Size(A intersect B)-Size(A intersect C) - Size(B intersect C)  
+ Size(A intersect B intersect C).  
  
You would write UNION as a U and intersect as an upside-down U.  
)  
  
STACY: Does the formula still work if the members of the Fashion Club   
don't know that I'm also in the Math Club.  
  
DARIA: Yes. Oh. They don't know? I'm surprised they care.  
  
STACY: Sandi says math is geeky. And Quinn would be scared I'd  
find out you were her sister instead of her ``cousin or whatever.''  
  
DARIA: (Surprised) You know that I'm Quinn's sister?  
  
STACY: Tiffany knows also. She's amused by Quinn's attempts to   
hide it, and Sandi's pretending she doesn't know.  
  
DARIA: Even Sandi knows?  
  
STACY: You and Quinn live in the same house, have the same last name, and  
she gets all freaky around you.   
The Fashion Club figured it out, its not as if we're dumb.  
  
DARIA: (deadpan) The fashion club isn't dumb, they're a bunch  
of shallow girls who---  
  
JANE (Cuts her off): Now Daria...  
  
DARIA: (changes tone and topic) Why don't you tell Quinn that you know I'm   
her sister so she can drop the pretense?  
  
STACY: Then she won't like me anymore. She'll exclude me.  
  
DARIA: Are you ready for some hard truths Stacy?  
  
STACY: No.  
  
DARIA: Well, I'll give them to you anyway. Quinn and Sandi are so  
obsessed with topping each other that neither one likes you.  
They just use you and Tiffany as pawns in some sick ego game.  
  
STACY: I know.  
  
DARIA: You know? Then why don't you quit the Fashion Club?  
  
STACY: Then I'd have no friends at all. I'd be the excluded part  
of that law of inclusion and exclusion.  
  
JANE: We could be your frien---  
  
DARIA: Lots of people could be your frien--  
(Phone rings. Jane picks it up.)  
  
JANE: (on phone) Hi Trent. Its `i' before `e' except after  
`c' unless sounding like `a' as in neighbor and weigh.  
  
DARIA: Except `weird'.  
  
JANE: (on phone) That was Daria. She thinks the rule is weird.  
  
DARIA: No, I meant that the rule does not *apply* to the word `weird'.  
  
JANE: (on phone) Oh, Daria says it doesn't *apply* to weird.  
Oh (pause as Trent is talking) Oh, no, Trent, it doesn't apply to ordering the  
alphabet either. ``I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band''  
does not go before ``Eve of destruction'' alphabetically (pause as Trent  
is talking). Sorry to here you lost $5.00 on a bet with Jesse. Bye now.  
  
(Fade out.)   
  
Next scene is in Quinn's room.  
  
QUINN: Daria, I need something from you.  
  
DARIA: (sarcastic) For the last time, you can't have my kidney. And since  
we're cousins, not sisters, it's not even that good a fit anyway.  
  
QUINN: I would never want your kidney. I don't even like kidney beans.  
And yours would be so unfashionable.  
I want you and that weird art friend of yours to apply to   
join the Fashion Club.  
  
DARIA: I'd rather give you a kidney.  
  
QUINN: I'm serious Daria!  
  
DARIA: Why do you want Jane and me in the Fashion Club?  
  
QUINN: We don't want you *in* the Fashion Club, we just want you to *apply*.  
The more people we turn down, the more exclusive we become.  
  
DARIA: Your shallowness is so deep it might be mistaken for---   
no, it's still shallowness.  
  
QUINN: Thank you Daria! So will you do it?  
  
DARIA: So you want Jane and me to apply to the Fashion Club, and get turned   
down, so that the Fashion Club looks good. And you want us to apply through  
you so you get to look good in front of Sandi.  
  
QUINN (not noticing that this sounds so bad): Exactly! So will you do it?  
  
DARIA: We'll do it for $10.00 each, or $25.00 for both Jane and me.  
  
QUINN (thinking aloud at first) $10.00 each or $25.00...  
Oh, Okay, Yes, I'll take the two of you for $25.00!  
  
DARIA: Have you thought of joining the Math Club?  
  
QUINN: No. Why do you ask?  
  
DARIA: Oh, no reason.  
  
QUINN: (Sincere) Well, thanks much Daria.  
  
DARIA: Oh, I've got another idea for you to get lots of applicants. And   
these applicants won't mind being turned down.  
  
QUINN: Tell me, tell me!  
  
DARIA: This one will cost $50.00  
  
QUINN: But I was planning on spending the $50.00 on another TV ad!  
  
DARIA: I can guarantee you 3 people. That makes it a better deal   
then getting Jane and me for only $25.00  
  
QUINN (Thinks about it): Yes, you're right.  
  
DARIA: Deal?  
  
QUINN: Deal.  
  
(Fade out as they talk. Fade in to Stacy on the phone.  
Split screen--- She's on the phone with the popular girl from THE INVITATION.  
I'll call her NANCY, though her name was never given.)  
  
STACY: So Nancy, do you want to join the Fashion Club?  
  
NANCY: I applied a few months ago, but was turned down.  
  
STACY: This time I'll fight for your application.  
  
NANCY: You? Fight?  
  
STACY: Well, I won't fight too hard.  
  
NANCY: Do you want me in or not?  
  
STACY: I want you in. Just apply. There's no harm in that.   
If you don't get in will you still be my friend?  
  
NANCY: Yes. Okay, I'll apply.  
  
(Fade Out. Fade in.)  
  
Math Club: Day II  
  
(Jane and Daria are in Jane's house.  
Stacy enters wearing Daria's usual outfit and Daria-type glasses.)  
  
DARIA: Stacy?  
  
STACY: Yes?  
  
DARIA: Why are you dressed like that?  
  
STACY: We're friends now.  
  
JANE: (trying to change topics) Did you do your math homework?  
  
STACY: Yes. I wouldn't want to disappoint Daria.  
  
DARIA: You can *hang out* with us, but you don't have to *become* us.  
  
STACY: In the Fashion Club we all deform to the same standards.  
  
JANE: I think you mean `conform'  
  
DARIA: She got it right the first time.  
  
JANE: But Stacy, you don't have to do that.  
  
DARIA: You can express your opinions freely, no matter how stup--  
(cut off)  
  
JANE: And even if we disagree with you, you can still be our fri--  
  
DARIA (cuts her off) you can still be in the Math Club.  
  
STACY: I can speak freely?  
Then you're the only ones I can turn to for my dilemma.  
  
DARIA: What's up?  
  
STACY: The Fashion Club wants to increase applicants but not take anybody.   
Your applications will probably be turned down.  
  
DARIA: (sarcastic) I'm crying all the way to the library.  
  
STACY: (upset, thinks Daria is serious) Oh, I was worried you'd take it hard!  
  
JANE: Stacy, Daria was kidding. What's your dilemma?  
  
STACY: Nancy applied on my urging, and I think she belongs, but I'm scared   
that if I push for membership and she doesn't get in, then Sandi, Quinn, and   
Nancy will all hate me.  
  
DARIA: What about Tiffany?  
  
STACY: Who cares about Tiffany?  
  
DARIA: I have some ideas for you.  
  
STACY: Great. What?  
  
DARIA: Blow up the Fashion Club.  
  
JANE: Don't you mean `Blow off the Fashion Club.'  
  
DARIA: No, I mean `Blow up the Fashion Club.' You know, one pipe bomb  
and no more Fashion Club.  
  
JANE (to Daria): Uh. One fear I have is that Stacy will commit suicide.   
Another fear is that she'll take the school with her.  
  
DARIA: You say that as if it's a bad thing.  
  
JANE: Stacy, I've got a better idea. Stand up for what you believe in.  
  
STACY: (on the verge of tears from Daria's ideas) I like Jane's idea better.  
Daria, can we still be friends?  
  
DARIA: If you survive the next Fashion Club meeting, sure.  
  
JANE (to Daria) Try to be more encouraging.  
  
DARIA: I don't care about fashion. But you do. If you think Nancy should be   
in the club, then fight for her. If you can assert yourself on shallow things,  
then later in life maybe you can assert yourself on important things.  
And, incidentally, when Jane and me come up, feel free to vote  
against us. No reason to spend your credibility there.  
  
  
(Fade out. End of Act III. Show scene where Stacy is wearing Daria's clothes.)  
  
  
COMMERICAL1: Kids drink pepsi and see wild flowers and its  
just so cool!  
  
COMMERICIAL2: Kids take drugs and see wild flowers and its  
just so NOT cool!  
  
---------------------------  
ACT IV  
  
(The Fashion Club is meeting at Morgendorffer's house.)  
  
QUINN: I've brought in five applicants. The first two are Daria and Jane.  
  
SANDI: Excuse me, but your ``cousin'' and her weird art   
friend, applied because I called your her a loser.  
She wanted to better her image, and what better way then through   
the Fashion Club.  
  
QUINN: But they applied through me.  
  
SANDI: That's just because your so called cousin and her friend live here.  
  
QUINN: Jane doesn't live here.  
  
SANDI: Who?  
  
QUINN: I convinced them to apply.  
  
SANDI: No, I did.  
  
QUINN: NO, Daria told me that either $10.00 each or $25.00 for both of   
them to apply. Whoops.  
  
STACY: Quinn, have you considered joining the Math Club?  
  
QUINN: (puzzled--- this question sounds familiar). No. Why do you ask?  
  
STACY: Oh, no good reason.  
  
SANDI: You bribed them to apply. Not done. I didn't bribe anyone.  
  
QUINN: And nobody applied through you.  
  
QUINN (to SANDI): What does it matter if they applied through you,  
which they did not, of if they applied through me, which they did.  
Its not as if we're, like, competing.  
  
SANDI: Certainly not. Do we need to discuss or vote on these losers?  
(All of the members of the Fashion Club just shake their heads.)  
  
SANDI: Okay. They are rejected from the Fashion Club.   
Are there more applicants?  
  
QUINN: There are three more applicants that definitely applied through me.  
  
SANDI: Who are they?  
  
QUINN: Joey, Jeffy, and the other J guy.  
  
SANDI: Why did they apply--- did you bribe them too?  
  
QUINN: No, but I did agree to let them take me to Chez Pierre.  
  
SANDI: Was that their idea or yours?  
  
QUINN: Actually Daria thought of it as a way to guarantee three more  
applicants. Whoops.  
  
SANDI: So, we're taking advise from losers now?  
  
QUINN: Hey, we got three applicants, isn't that what we wanted?  
  
SANDI: But the applicants are men. The Fashion Club is for women.  
  
QUINN: Okay, so we can turn them down. But they do count in terms of   
applicants. I've encouraged five people to apply in one month.  
  
SANDI: Lets get this over with. All in favor of turning them down  
raise your hand. (all raise there hand).  
  
STACY: There is one more applicant to consider.  
  
SANDI: Who?  
  
STACY: Nancy. She's subscribed to Waif magazine for the last 2 years.  
She has a discount card at Cashman's. And SHE wears different  
clothes during the week.  
  
QUINN and SANDI: Are you implying that we wear the same things all the time?  
  
STACY (in tears): I'm just saying she has good taste in clothes,  
she's knowledgable, and could help our club.  
  
QUINN and SANDI: Our club doesn't need help!  
  
SANDI: Lets take a vote. All in favor (Stacy raises her hand.)   
Hey, put that hand down. (Stacy flutters but keeps it raised).  
  
TIFFANY: Hey like, if the vote is 3-1 against, what does it matter?  
  
SANDI: I want everyone turned down unanimously. If word got out that someone   
almost made it, it might encourage more applicants.  
  
QUINN: But we want more applicants!  
  
SANDI: But if Stacy votes differently then us then it means that...  
it means that...  
(Daria walks by.)  
  
DARIA: It means that you allow differences of opinion.  
It means you're not a dictator like Ms. Li.  
(Daria goes upstairs.)  
  
SANDI: Did you see Ms. Li's outfit today. It was so 3-years ago!  
  
STACY: Can I put my hand down now?  
  
SANDI: YES. Okay, so its one for, and I assume three against.  
(Quinn and Tiffany nod their heads.)  
  
STACY: Are you going to exclude me from the Fashion Club?  
  
SANDI: Just because you have a really stupid opinion doesn't mean   
I'll kick you out. Or even put you on probation. Hmmm. No, I suppose  
I won't. I'm tolerant that way.  
  
QUINN: I welcome you with open arms.  
  
SANDI: I welcome you with open arms and feet. Meeting done.  
(Sandi and Stacy walk out. Tiffany stays behind temporarily.  
The next line of dialouge happens after Sandi and Stacy are outside  
the house.)  
  
QUINN (To Tiffany): Who's more tolerant, me or Sandi?  
  
TIFFANY: (TO Quinn) Oh you, definitely. Well, gotta go.  
(Hurries outside and catches up to Sandi.   
Next line happens when she's outside.)  
  
SANDI: (To Tiffany) Who's more tolerant, me or Quinn?  
  
TIFFANY: (To Sandi) Oh, you definitely.  
  
(Fade out. Fade into Jane's room with Daria, Jane, and Stacy.)  
  
DARIA: So, how did the meeting go? Did everyone survive?  
  
STACY: Yes.  
  
DARIA: Too bad. How about the vote on Nancy?  
  
STACY: I voted YES but she got turned down anyway.  
  
JANE: Are you excluded?  
  
STACY: No, they said its okay to have stupid opinions.  
  
DARIA: Well, they would know.  
  
STACY: But I'm glad I voted the way I feel.  
  
JANE: Do you plan on ... making a habit of it?  
  
STACY: Uh... I'm not sure.  
  
DARIA: Well, we've made some progress.  
  
JANE: Sown some seeds.  
  
DARIA: Lets see whether it sprouts fungus or weeds.  
  
JANE: Still a member of the Pessimists Club?  
  
DARIA: Thats one group that would never exclude me.  
  
(Fade out. Fade in and screen says TWENTY YEARS LATER)  
  
(We see Stacy twenty years later. She is standing in front of a classroom and   
there are lots of math formulas on the blackboard. She looks much like she   
looks now except that she is wearing Daria-style glasses.)  
  
STACY: And so, by ignoring the so called ``conventional wisdom'' of the math   
community I have been able to attack this problem a different way and solve it.  
(There is applause.)  
  
THE END  
  
AUTHORS NOTES:   
  
1) The stories of C.E. Forman were my main inspiration.  
I've read all of Forman's stuff and LIKED it. When I wrote  
my story I used my thoughts of Forman's stuff to guide me.   
(Formans stuff is available at   
the fanfiction sight off of  
http://www.outpost-daria.com  
Look under fanfiction, and then under featured authors.  
Kara Wild's stuff is also quite good and IF I had read it  
before doing my stories THEN they would have been an inspiration.  
Her fanfic is at the same place.  
She HAS inspired me to make LONGER Author Notes.  
  
2) My stories have a rough order: IQ is a fantasy piece  
and not really in the timeline.  
Aside from that the order is  
THE LAW OF INCLUSION AND EXCLUSION.  
THE COMPLETE IDIOTS GUIDE TO...  
IMITATION IS NOT THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.  
  
There is NOT much continuity, but you may get  
SOME back references.  
  
3) Austin Covello's fan fics also have Stacy being smarter  
than she appears. The difference between his take and  
mine is that in my fan fic Stacy has the POTENTIAL  
to be smart, while in his she IS smart.   
See  
http://www.outpost-daria.com  
for his stuff.  
Look under fanfiction, and then under featured authors.  
  
4) An earlier version had more math in it.  
This one has just enough to make the point  
and have the title make sense.  
  
5) Kara Wild has a fan fic ABSOLUTE VALUE which also  
has a math theme. In it, Quinn is better at math  
then you would think and Jake is tutoring her.  
(Its quite good and is part of a continuity  
that pursues that theme, though I haven't read  
any more of it yet.)  
  
  
6) I was tempted to stick in a line about Columbine  
like (note that the first two and the last line ARE  
in the story).  
  
JANE: Don't you mean `Blow off the Fashion Club.'  
  
DARIA: No, I mean `Blow up the Fashion Club.' You know, one pipe bomb  
and no more Fashion Club.  
  
JANE: Daria, after Columbine thats not funny.  
  
DARIA: To the contrary, after Columbine its even funnier.  
  
JANE (to Daria): Uh. One fear I have is that Stacy will commit suicide.   
Another fear is that she'll take the school with her.  
  
However I resisted this because SOME might thing its  
in bad taste and it would distract from the story.  
Also, in a few years the reference will be forgotten.  
  
7) This DARIA fanfic story is copyright 1999  
and may be distributed freely in unaltered  
form provided that authors name  
and email are included.  
  



End file.
